Amazing pizza stories

I read the following in a picture my friend, Erin, had posted on her Facebook. It was written by a co-worker of hers named Seth. Trust me, you do NOT want to be drinking something while reading this. I was drinking some Pepsi myself and ended up spitting some of it out while reading it.

AN AMAZING THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO YOUR PLACE. So I was sprinting out of the store with your flaming hot pizza in record time. I dove in my bat mobile and started heading for your home. When I turned onto Uxbridge St. there was a unicorn and it was pooping in the middle of the road. It effing ran up to me and made a farting sound and then pooped on the side of my ride. I kicked it down the street, and using the force I picked up while I was in Tatooine. I took it's manhood and bent it behind its neck. By the time this was over, 30 minutes had already passed. Luckily, "You Got 30 Minutes" isn't a guarantee, it's just an estimate, so I continued on safely to your place. I hope you enjoyed starving with your bonus time.