The Battle: Where is it heading?

Lately, I've been curious about where this battle for my ESA is heading. I recently received a call from my father regarding the whole thing, saying that they had received the appeal letter from my father on the 16th of September, 2015. The weird thing is that when I went to the Job Centre on the 23rd of September 2015, they told me it wasn't on the system yet. That seemed so odd to me and my father. Since the courts have received the appeal, I'm assuming I am back on ESA, at least for the moment. That raises the question of whether I still need to do the job searches or if I am allowed to stop now. To be safe, I'll continue until the next Job Centre meeting. That way, I can find out what the fuck is going on. Kind of a pain, though.

I ran into Richard again last week, and we talked briefly. At the time, I asked him if he knew of anyone else who'd seen me have a seizure so I could get more help with winning back the ESA. He said workers at the hotel had seen me have one. I made a bit of a mistake in asking that. I was supposed to find out who'd seen me have a petit mal seizure, one where I blank out for a good while. I don't think anyone at the hotel saw me have one of those. I could always go and ask though.

He called me not too long ago. He asked if I wanted to meet up with him on Tuesday. I told him that I'd be fine with that. He called me today asking if I was around on Wednesday because he has a meeting with someone tomorrow. Sure, I can manage that. I had to call my mom after that to tell her she should visit tomorrow instead of Wednesday since that is now the day I'm heading out with Richard. Who knows if he actually will show up? It's just a waiting game for now.

A Delay in the Stream

Recently, I've been playing a lot of this game I bought on Steam called Crypt of the NecroDancer. While playing it a couple of days ago, I came up with a funny idea for a boss, which caused me to wonder if there was any way to create your own monster characters on there. I would like to create this boss idea for some laughs while playing the game on my Twitch channel. Does anyone know if there is a way to do it? If so, could someone explain it to me? I have the name for the boss monster I'd make if it were possible to create it, but that's a secret. It's best not to reveal that kind of thing until the idea is complete if it's possible.

On my Twitch stream that I've been running for a couple of months now, I've mostly just been streaming Jackbox Games. I host them all, except for "You Don't Know Jack". The reason behind that is that the stream isn't in real-time. There's always a 15 to 20-second delay between my PC and the people watching. Since you only have about 20 seconds to answer the questions on that game, the delay doesn't help. There's no way for people watching to play that game unless they can answer within 5 seconds or mindlessly guess. That's another question I have. I use OBS to stream on my channel. Is there any possible way to reduce this delay, or is that delay inevitable no matter what you do?

Another game I stream on Twitch that people can join in with is Choice Chamber. The pain with that game is that it's effortless to die, and I'm the one playing it mostly. People interact with choosing what weapon I'll be using, the kind of jump I'll be using, etc. If I suck at controlling the character, then it's not all that much fun to watch since I'll constantly be dying before I even get that far in the game. Now the question is, are there any other games like the Jackbox ones where loads of people can interact without owning the games themselves, or is it just those?

Friends: Death of a Loved One

I came across some sad news when I logged on to Facebook today. My friend Holly's pet ferret, Minxy, has passed away. She'd been in Holly's life for about 8-9 years and has now passed away. I feel so bad for Holly, especially since I haven't spoken to her much over the last few months. I've been a lousy friend to her recently. Rest In Peace, little Minxy. You'll be missed by all.

I saw another YouTube post from my friend Erin. Titled Rant of a Retail Worker, it talks about a lot of things that retail workers have to deal with for a minimum wage job. I watched it all the way through, and it's so true. I've only worked in retail once, and that was only for a week or so because of medical problems, so I never had to deal with all the stuff she has. But looking at her video, I realize it's so true. They have a lot of shit to deal with for a shitty wage, and people aren't making their lives any easier with all the stupid shit they do. They'll ignore them completely or ask them where something is when there are signs dotted all over the place. Then you have the people in a movie or game store where everything is alphabetically arranged. A customer picks up an item listed under A and drops it in the Ps. I bet this is worse in gaming stores. Some people probably pick up a PS4 C game, then decide they don't want it while looking at XBox One games and dropping it there under Q. It's an interesting video. Check it out and see how many of these things you may do yourself.

I think we're all guilty of at least one of the many things she's listed. One I've been guilty of in the past is putting things where they don't belong, like a can of something in an area I never picked it up from. I'm so sorry to whoever I've majorly inconvenienced by doing that in the past.

Who's there? No-one!

I received a call from my father today. I can't say I was surprised when I asked him whether he'd received a call from this one lady at the Job Centre. When I signed on last Wednesday, I took a doctor's note with me. I couldn't use it, though. The lady said she would call my father since he's my appointee. She said she'd call him on Thursday or Friday. It turns out that he never got that call. It would explain why he never called me on Friday to tell me what had happened with the call. All I could think when he told me was "Fucking typical". I've been getting that a lot lately. People say that they're going to call me (or my father) about something, but that call just never happens. This mostly happens to me when it involves Richard. It occurred with Richard again fairly recently. I'd met him on the street outside some store, and he told me he'd like to catch up and would call me within a couple of days. Never happened.

Anyway, when I go to the Job Centre next Wednesday, my father asked me if I could ask whoever I see to check whether the ESA team got the appeal from him. He sent the appeal via second-class mail yesterday, so it should be with the ESA team by tomorrow. This gives an entire week for it to show on the systems. I hope that something shows up by the time I head to the Job Centre.

The questions won't stop there either. I need to find out whether that lady can call my father; try to get her to call him while I'm sitting there so at least I know it happened. I also need to find out whether my doctor's note will help sway the ESA appeal in my favour. My father and I are hoping it'll be helpful in that case.

Where will this all lead, I wonder.

The Search: Care to Drive?

Once again, my search for a job yields no results. New jobs now, besides caring for older people or driving, only include kitchen work, cooking as a chef, etc. Once again, it's not within my skill range to do that. Hell, I can't even cook for myself because I'm way too scared that I'll have a seizure or a blanking episode and end up burning the place down. Not only would that cause me a lot of trouble as I'd no longer have a place to live, but it would also affect the neighbours and possibly more if the fire spread too much. Then again, would I even survive if the place were to catch fire while I had a seizure or a blanking episode? I could very well perish in the flames in the possible 30+ minutes it'll take to snap out of it all.

So once again, I find myself giving a reason why I'm not going to apply for the jobs; the same reason as always, honestly: It doesn't match my skills.

Heartbreaking video

Today, I was linked to a video by my friend Amy. It was talking about this lovely German Shephard named Duke, who'd be abandoned on the streets of Los Angeles. Dog rescue: Duke, abandoned in downtown Los Angeles is a beautiful video about how they rescued him. The change in his attitude during the video is just amazing. You see him going from sad and aggressive-like to this happy and loving little dog. Sadly, after all that it just blurts out about how Duke died 10 months after the video was filmed. That was extremely upsetting to me and caused me to cry. It also took away from the beauty of the video. This is the kind of thing that really pisses me off about some videos on YouTube. The fact that you make this amazingly beautiful video, and then out of nowhere they just add in "But he's dead now". It's really something that should be placed in the description of the video for those interested to know of his fate. It shouldn't be slapped on to the video because it takes away from all the happiness.

That's something for people who make YouTube videos to really consider. If you're going to make a beautiful and very happy looking video, don't slap on something extremely depressing at the end that basically says "What you saw means nothing now because he/she's dead". It's extremely heartbreaking.

The Search: A difficult job

The job searching that I've had to do since losing my ESA hasn't been going too well. Every single job I've looked at in computing requires someone with previous experience in the field, requires a car, or requires a skill that I just do not have. Because of that, I widened the searching to all jobs within about 5-10 miles of where I live. That doesn't get me anywhere either because all of the jobs are either caring for the elderly, or driving HGVs/trucks. I have no experience in caring for the elderly. No college degree or anything in that area. But if I did, what good would I be to the job? My epilepsy is completely out of control and my ankle starts to really hurt after about 30 minutes of standing/walking around due to the broken bone.

With the blank outs I have due to my epilepsy, I don't think I'd be the best person to take care of anyone, whether that be elderly, kids, or even a loved one. Every time Dad has come to visit me, I've had one of these blank outs, so it's likely that I'm having them daily, only people need to be around me all day to possibly see me having one. Either that, or have some extreme luck to catch me having one. Usually when Dad is visiting me, he's around almost the entire day, which explains why he'd see them. If it is a daily occurence, how popular would I be with families if I blanked out for a good 30 minutes or more and come around to find the person I was caring for is laying on the floor in extreme pain or even possibly dead? I would be one of the most hated people with families requiring care for their loved ones. I just can't deal with that.

What am I doing wrong?

There are days lately where I feel like maybe I'm not worthy of anybody's friendship. I'm constantly upsetting my friends by missing something they've said to me, or I'm completely pissing them off with things that I enjoy, but they find annoying. For example, I showed my friend, Holly, the Alan Tutorial videos. I suggested that she watch them from start to finish. I've no idea where she started watching them from (probably the end), but she immediately got irritated by it, saying that she'll never get those minutes back and that it's just some creepypasta shit. I tried to explain that it had a deeper meaning, not just some creepypasta rubbish, but she didn't want to hear it. To her, it was just a typical creepypasta. It's probably on some creepypasta website because someone believed it to be a true story, but that's not the case with Alan Tutorial. It would be nice if people would look at it from start to finish and not assume it's something that it's not, whether that thought is that it's a huge waste of time or that it's just a creepypasta and nothing more.

Another person that I've upset a fair amount lately is my friend Amy. A lot of that comes down to me not paying attention to something she's said to me; therefore, she feels I am neglecting her. I try to give my friends as much attention as possible, but I'm constantly failing and then find myself asking, 'Why do these people even like me? What do I have to give them?'. I feel completely worthless when I can't make my friends happy. Their sadness causes me pain because I feel like I'm not the friend they need and that they'd be better off without me in their lives. I don't know lately.

YouTube: Our Third Life

Yesterday, while I was streaming on Twitch, I was shown this video called she speaks fluent american. This was shown on a channel different from where the video was originally hosted. Anyway, in this video, this youngish girl is talking about a "language barrier" between her and a British man. The barrier had to do with money. She asked him how much The Sims 3: Generations was in the UK. He told her it was about £15, which he couldn't afford at the time. As an American, she took £15 as a weight measurement. She didn't understand that pounds here in the UK is the currency. She's then talking about "Why do the games weigh so much?" and then assumes that weight in the UK must be less than in America because it's closer to Jupiter. At this point, all I could think was, "Seriously? Is this girl really this fucking stupid!? How can you believe different parts of the world are in different parts of the solar system?".

After that very idiotic video, I was shown a video from her channel, Our Third Life. This one was called THE EARTH IS FLAT. In this video, she talks about how she believes the world is flat and that if it weren't, all the oceans would fall off and flood space. Again, you're thinking, "Is this girl really this fucking stupid? Has she never seen Discworld or a globe?" In Discworld, all the oceans flow into space over the disc's rim. Still, they are constantly replenished, so the water doesn't just vanish completely. Because we all know that the world is round, it raises the question of her logic: somewhere on Earth, there's a place where there is no gravity. If that's the case, wouldn't people, animals, and everything else travelling into that area also fall off into space?

Eventually, after a few more of her videos, I get to this one: JURASSIC PARK SUCKS. In the image for the video, you can see she's crying. That made me curious as to what is so upsetting about Jurassic Park. But she's not talking about Jurassic Park; she's talking about Jurassic World. Her tears are about Robert Downey Jr. being eaten by dinosaurs in the movie, and that's the reason there will be no more Iron Man, etc, because he's now dead. This is where I thought, "She's got to be trolling. No one on Earth is THIS fucking stupid". As far as I'm aware, Robert Downey Jr. wasn't even in Jurassic World, and even if he were, being eaten by a computer-animated dinosaur is not going to kill you in real life. Haha.

When I was shown the video while streaming on Twitch, I thought that she must be a great friend of Trish Paytas for how fucking stupid she seemed. But now it looks like she's the biggest troll in the world and doing a pretty good job at trolling just about everyone. So, good job on that front.

I think I will have to talk a little about Trish in another post and show people who don't already know who she is how foolish she is. Anyway, check out Our Third Life for one of the biggest fucking trolls ever, if you're interested in seeing how dumb she seemed at first.