R.I.P. Rachel

Today definitely hasn't been the best of days.

This morning, the skies looked ominous from all the grey clouds, sadly with a blue sky that was slowly fading into the distance. Luckily, the blue sky broke through. It's just too bad that good "news" kinda thing didn't last for too long.

As soon as I got into Lostwithiel, I had Richard tell me he had some bad news. My immediate thought to that was "Oh great...some grant never went through huh?". The bad news was nothing like that though. During the time I hadn't been going up there, one of his dogs, Rachel, had run out onto the railway tracks. Somehow, she survived that, which is honestly a miracle in itself. However, her spine was broken and Richard just couldn't afford to have it fixed or nothing, so it was best for her just to be put to sleep.

We had to go and pick up her body from the vets, and had a very sad burial out on the field. Richard and I dug the hole, and he went to get her from the car, crying his eyes out as he carried her up to the hole we'd dug. I ended up crying myself as we started to bury her. May not have been my dog, but I still cared about her since I'd seen her a lot during this project, and it was just sad as hell to see that she was dead and wouldn't be racing around the field anymore with her sister Poppy. I can't imagine what this is gonna be like for Poppy. She's gonna be wondering where her sister is for a while now. Will probably be looking around for her too.

This is going to be a complete worry for Richard now too. Everytime he takes Poppy out to the field now, he's gonna be worried that the same kind of thing will happen to her, and we really don't want that to happen to Poppy too. It's gonna be sad for a while to do any work out at the field because of the loss of Rachel.

Rest In Peace, Rachel. You will be sorely missed by your family, and by me too.

Save and move out

I haven't had too much sleep today.

I woke up to go to the project, only to find out that Richard didn't want me coming in today because he's going to be moving a whole ton of furniture and stuff from his old place into his new place. Because of this, I thought I may be able to catch up on sleep. That never happened though. I got maybe 30-60 minutes of sleep before Mom's asshole boyfriend started banging on my bedroom door telling me that I supposedly told Mom that I'd go and claim unemployment today. Since no one will listen to me, I went along to the Job Centre to go and claim it, only to be told that I'd have to do it all online. So, that turned out to be a waste of a journey.

When I snapped at Sean about it, he told me that they don't want me to claim the money to hand to them, but instead want me to claim it so I can save it all and get an apartment in the New Year or something. This just shows even more just how dense Sean is. Of course, the money saved in the two months before New Years will possibly get me an apartment for a couple of months, but after that, the amount you receive every month would not cover the costs of the apartment and all. So, as I've said before, I really need a JOB if I wanna move out. The cash from unemployment isn't going to get me a place or anything, especially in only two months of saving. Honestly, I don't think two months of saving the unemployment cash will get me an apartment for any longer than one month.

It's pretty clear that Sean just wants everyone thrown out of the house. I would love to move out and just have nothing to do with him anymore, but there is no way in hell that unemployment benefits are going to cover the cost of an apartment and food and everything else. The question is, am I the only one who understands that? Unless it was an extremely cheap apartment, I'm not gonna be able to move out by relying on unemployment.

I need a JOB if I want to move out, and I'm having a hard time finding anything. I've tried for a few jobs, but I've never gotten anywhere with them. No one thinks I'm trying though. Everyone just seems to assume that if you really do apply for a job, you'll get it no matter what. If only it was that fucking simple!

That reminds me. Yesterday while I was out at the field with Richard, he was chatting on the phone to someone about money for the project, and was talking about all these ideas he had on his mind for how we can make money for it, but that it's just that. Ideas. We really need a plan for something that will be a sustainable area of business. I was asked for ideas, but I really don't have any. He then wished his father was still around because he had a great mind for business.

Earlier today, I thought that maybe I should talk about it here, and see if any of my readers have any ideas for a sustainable area of business for this project. Several ideas we've got are like making garden furniture, making apple juice and all, but things like that are only sustainable if we have good crops of apples and all. Any good ideas from you all?

Just ignore it

We didn't get too much work done yesterday at the field.

Richard went straight to Newquay when I arrived in Lostwithiel, to meet with Peachy. I've no idea what's happening with him currently. He's basically stopped coming along to the project because of money issues. So currently, I'm the only one on the project (apart from Richard) who may end up getting paid for working there.

Obviously, Mom's asshole boyfriend doesn't believe for one second that I'll get a job out of it, and that Richard is just using me. I don't believe that. Sure, I may not get a job out of it if Richard can't get the funding for it, but he IS trying to help me out by getting me a job.

When I was talking to Richard yesterday about Sean's bitching on the 20th November, he bought up a very valid point about the whole thing. Usually when Sean lectures me about claiming unemployment, the conversation always ends up being about how it'll "fix" my life; how it'll help me instantly get a job, and all this other shit. It always ends with "Grow up and stop acting immature!". Richard's point about that was "So, in his retarded mind, growing up and maturing is as simple as claiming Job Seekers Allowance?" Yeah. Life isn't THAT simple.

Richard also suggested that if he thinks I'm immature and all, I should just act immature, just to piss Sean off. I probably won't, but it seems like a fun idea, especially if he starts to badly stress me out again. In fact, I don't think I even need to act immature to piss him off. It's worthless to argue with him because he's dense, so what I should do is just not answer him at all. Just sit there ignoring him completely if he starts lecturing me again. I'm sure that'll piss him off even more than me just acting immaturely.

As I was walking up the hill to get home yesterday, there was a white van parked right across the hill. From a distance, it didn't appear like I could get around it. There was a couple of guys there, as well as a cop. I've no idea what had happened, but the front end of the van was imbedded in the hedge. There was a sloped path behind the van, which I'm guessing is where the van was pulling out from before it somehow got wedged into the hedge. So, it was possible to get around the van by going up the path just a little. Lucky really. I was scared that I would have to walk all the way down the hill again and use one of the other hills to get home. That would've been a MAJOR pain in the ass if I did have to do that.

Anyway, the only reason he wants me to claim it, as I've mentioned several times before, is to give money to Mom. So yesterday, I handed Mom £10 I had in my pocket. Sure, that's £10 less for me to spend on food, and obviously, I'll have to do that every week but hopefully he'll get off my back about claiming Job Seekers Allowance. I seriously doubt it though.

How to make life worse...

Things just seem to be getting worse and worse here.

Today, Sean went and upset Mom, once again. He then came up to lecture me about The Street Outreach Project, asking when I was going again. Told him I was going again tomorrow, and he told me that I'd apparently said that I was going to go to Liskeard with Mom tomorrow to sign onto Job Seekers Allowance (unemployment), and look for a Council Apartment. Funny; I don't remember saying ANY of that shit.

I yelled at him, basically telling him to fuck off, and slammed my door in his face. He hit the door hard, and has basically broken the door frame of my bedroom door. Thanks a lot, you fucking asshole!

Hopefully, Richard isn't still feeling ill tomorrow. If he is, I won't be going to TSOP again, and I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself them. Going to have to remain outside for a while to make it seem like I'm out at the field working with Richard. Question is, what am I going to do tomorrow if I'm not going to TSOP again?

I wish Mom would just throw him out of the house already. The only thing making everyones' lives hell is him. Without him, things would be a lot better. Not perfect, but it would be a billion times better than it is now.

M-5 pileup

Yesterday, I was being told by Mom's boyfriend that on the news there was a report of a HUGE pileup on a motorway somewhere in the UK. Today, I saw that same story on the front of several newspapers, and it supposedly happen Friday night. I'll post the news story in this entry, but I've got to say that it's kind of weird what happened Friday night.

No idea if the thought happened before, during or after the crash, but I never knew about the crash at the time. Oddly enough, Final Destination 2's intro popped into my mind out of no where. That movie starts out with a huge pileup on a freeway. Question is, why did THAT intro pop into my head Friday night? I've seen three of the Final Destination movies, and it just seems odd that was the intro that my mind picked to remember at the time.

Anyway, with that bit of weirdness out of the way, here is the news story on the pileup.

The death toll in the worst motorway accident for 20 years is expected to rise as police continue to search the crash site for the missing.

Seven people were confirmed dead and 51 injured after 28 cars and six lorries were involved in a multiple collision on a northbound section of the M5 in Somerset.

Police expected the number of dead to reach double figures once all the bodies had been removed from the scene.

Some of the injured were unaware that they had lost family and friends.

Many of the cars had been melted into the Tarmac by a fireball which engulfed a 100-yard stretch of the motorway. Four of the confirmed dead were in one vehicle.

Jaysen Sharp, who witnessed the incident from a nearby rugby club, said: “It was a horrific accident. There were a number of explosions and black smoke. It’s not something you expect to see on the motorway, it was more like a scene from Afghanistan.”

The rugby club’s “spectacular” fireworks display is being investigated to see if thick smoke drifted on to the motorway.

The accident occurred at 8.25pm on Friday after a bank of fog or smoke 200 yards thick enveloped a section of the M5 between junctions 24 and 25, close to Taunton.

The pile-up appeared to have begun when an Iceland lorry entered a fog which one motorist said was “like emulsion”.

Police said vehicles were “immediately alight” after the crash as a “massive fireball” engulfed the carriageway. Mobile phone footage showed members of the public desperately trying to pry open vehicle doors in an attempt to rescue those trapped inside.

Witnesses spoke of hearing the screams of men, women and children. One man who rescued people from burning cars had to dodge debris “like shrapnel”.

The scale of the fire left many cars unrecognisable and the scene was described as a “mash of many, many vehicles”.

Assistant Chief Constable Anthony Bangham, of Avon and Somerset police, said they expected the death toll to rise as the painstaking search continued. Police received more than 400 calls on a special helpline from people who feared their family and friends might be among the dead or injured.

“I am afraid there are still a number of bodies trapped inside vehicles at the scene, but we believe all those alive and injured have been removed and treated,” said Asst Chief Con Bangham. “We fear the number of fatalities will rise as the day continues.

“We will be searching a number of waterways nearby as debris may have been flung into them from the scene.”

He added: “We believe there may be some casualties being treated in hospital who may be unaware they have friends or family members still trapped at the scene.”

Emergency services praised other motorists and people living nearby who had battled intense heat to help rescue those trapped.

“The intensity of the fire — it was a fireball on the carriageway — made it incredibly difficult for people to approach,” Mr Bangham said. “People did their very best.”

The cause of the crash was being investigated last night but police confirmed they were looking at the possibility that a pall of black smoke from a firework display at Taunton Rugby Club, 300 yards from the scene of the crash, may have drifted on to the motorway.

Mr Bangham said: “We are aware there was a fireworks display nearby happening at a similar time and we will also be looking closely at that and at what kind of planning was looked at ahead of that event.”

A member of the public who attended the display said: “The fireworks display was massive and caused a huge amount of thick black smoke that drifted towards the motorway less than 10 minutes before the crash. Before the display I could see right across the pitch and see the headlights of traffic on the motorway. After the display the visibility dropped to less than 30ft, I couldn’t even see the huge floodlights positioned around the pitch.”

Sam Kotvics, who was at the display, said: “I think the fireworks had a contributory effect. It was a spectacular display. Anything could have happened to cause the accident though.”

Weather forecasters said that smoke from bonfires encourages fog, especially in damp conditions.

Dr Colin Close, the medical director at Musgrove Park Hospital in Taunton, said that the most badly injured had been admitted to his hospital. He said there were 16 patients who had suffered a range of injuries including broken legs and abdominal wounds.

A further 26 people were taken to Yeovil hospital 20 miles away and were described as “walking wounded”.

The accident is already the worst on British roads since 1991 when 10 people were killed and 25 injured in a pile-up on the M4 near Hungerford, Berkshire.

This entry was taken from The Telegraph's website.

So, the crash happened at 20:25. It was around about 20:00-21:00 when the movie's introduction popped into my head, oddly enough. It's strange how at times I'll have a totally random thought like that and it turns out to be linked to something.

Has anyone else had that kind of thing happen to them? You have a completely random thought about something, then find out about a crash or something happening around that time and think "How very strange!"?

I wouldn't say this is the first time this kinda thing has happened to me. I'm sure it's not gonna be the last either.

I think from now on, whenever I have a random thought like that without it being linked to something I'm personally doing, I'm going to note it down and a time, and possibly post it in a blog. That way, we can see if it turns out to be linked to something.

There was really no way Final Destination 2 was linked to anything I was doing at the time because I was only making jokes with friends in a chatroom, and watching videos of Kenny Everett, some of which I will link below.

A Big Chunk Of The Kenny Everett Video Show #12
Kenny Everett - Fulcrum: Success with Dick Thrust
Kenny Everett as "Cupid Stunt" on "Parkinson" - '82 - (pt.1 of 7) - HQ
"Up Your Way" with Verity Treacle (Kenny Everett)
Kenny Everetts Big Cock-Up.The Messy Parts
Kenny Everetts Big Cock-Up.The Messy Number Two

Enjoy!

No entry for you!

One of my favorite Kenny Everett sketches appears at the end of a video on YouTube called A Big Chunk Of The Kenny Everett Video Show #12. In the sketch, he messes up a whole bunch of times before eventually getting it right. Check out annedoverfist's channel for more great Kenny sketches.

Anyway, that isn't really the main reason for this entry. As I was reading the comments for the video, I noticed these following comments.

somewhere in heaven, the angels are being entertained by a funny energetic man with a beard and a wicked sense of humour.
WildWelshWitch 8 months ago

This comment went and received a reply which reads...

@WildWelshWitch he won`t be in heaven friend, he was gay..sorry
B4ll4che 2 months ago

Disgusted by this comment, I went and replied to B4ll4che with the following comment.

@B4ll4che He'll be in heaven. Screw that whole "No gays allowed" bullshit.
TidanLikida1 1 sec ago

Seriously, are religious people still stuck on that tired old routine that homosexuals would never get into heaven? I'm not saying personally that I believe there is a heaven, but damn, if there is, they're not gonna turn away great people like Kenny Everett just because he was homosexual. Also, it brings up the point that if "God" didn't want people of the same gender to be together, then wouldn't it be emotionally impossible to fall in love with the same gender because "God" doesn't want it? Think about it.

There goes my day...

I'm not going to be doing a whole lot today, it seems.

I tried messaging my girl again, and once again I had no reply. Am I ever going to hear anything from her again? At this point, it seems unlikely. I'm not even sure if she's answered any of my friends as to what is wrong. That put a total downer on my morning.

I got to Richard's place at about 7:55, only to find out that today he only has a two seater car, and that the only way I could really come along today is if I'm willing to sit in the boot with his two dogs. I wasn't going to do that. I'd end up extremely dirty by the time I got home if I did do that because I'd have had them jumping all over me with their muddy paws after they'd been out on the field for a little bit. So, my escape from depression for a few hours also went out the window.

So, what do I do now?

There's not a whole lot of stuff I really have to do at the moment. No where to go, and until this afternoon when I have to collect Betterware catalogs, I have nothing to do at all. I'm just stuck at home with depression, no-one to really talk to. I'll most likely end up playing a video game of some kind soon, just to try to get my mind off of the sadness of my girl seemingly being angry and ignoring me. I could possibly watch some YouTube videos too. In fact, I think that's what I'll go and do right now.

I hope all my readers have a good day today! Take care.