Happier Friends?: Day 2

I've spent just about the entire day watching Rob Dyke videos.

One video I saw today was titled YOU'RE a Hypocrite! And Here's Why! | SOCIAL AUTOPSY #3, which was a fascinating look at our lives. It talks about how we're all hypocrites in our own ways. For example, when one group of 40 people were asked whether they wanted to do an entertaining and easy task or a boring and more difficult task, 85% went for the easy and entertaining task. However, when another 40 were asked the same thing, those in the 85% who chose the entertaining and easy task in the group of the first 40 looked down on those who chose the easy task in the second group of 40. Irony. But amusingly enough, what was said in the video is pretty true. We're all judgemental of others. There are some things you do that you look down on others for, but as Rob points out, many of us will think that we're the special exception to whatever. None of us are a special exception, though.

Now the question is: what do you do that you judge others for? I've been wondering this myself. However, I can't think of what it is right now. I'm not saying I'm a special exception in any case. I do judge people on things, such as racists on my Twitch stream. But I can't think of that one thing I do that I judge others for.

I hope my friends are enjoying their second day without me around to depress them. :D

Happier Friends?: Day 1

I realised last night that I constantly upset people. I started talking to a newish friend, Amy, a lot. My other friends began to feel left out. So, I started streaming daily again to make these other friends happy. The problem with doing that is that Amy no longer feels wanted. When I climbed into bed last night, I thought, "What if I vanish for a few days? Will people be happier that I'm not there to upset them?". I think that these people will be better off without me.

I read on Steam that a new Jackbox game set is coming out on the 13th of October, 2015, so that should be a day when I should return. All my regular viewers could get fun out of new games rather than the same four games. Let's see if my friends feel better without me around to make them feel unwanted.

I've been playing a few offline games on Steam today. I'll see how many I can complete over the next few days since I haven't played any single-player games I bought over the past few months. It's something a couple of people I have added as friends on Steam have complained about: that I have so many games but only play the same 4-5 on my Twitch stream. One reason is that I don't think many people would want to hang around and watch me playing games where they can't get involved. Also, I can't reduce the screen size with a few of them, such as Ghosts of Maple Creek. The problem is that I can't read what anyone is saying in the Twitch stream chat. So, any messages that people may be aiming at me won't receive an answer since I can't read what was said.

One series of offline games that I badly need to complete is Life Is Strange. I haven't played them for a long while, so I have yet to see the latest episode of that game. It's about time that I play through it and see what happened to the characters after Episode 3.

Given The Run Around

I was awoken by a call from Dad. He seemed dissatisfied with how everything was going between ESA and JSA. From what he told me, it sounds like he spent two hours just running between the two places. He'd call one, then they'd tell him to call the other, then the other would tell him to call the other for whatever reason. So he spent a while just calling back and forth between JSA and ESA. You'd think that these two things would communicate in some way, but it doesn't seem like they do.

The mysterious stranger I'm living with was revealed to him on the phone. They assumed Dad and I were living together for some very idiotic reason. Why? Because all the letters go to him as my appointee and not to me. They assumed that meant we were living together. I'd love to know where that very bizarre assumption came from because at every meeting Dad and I went to, it was always stated that he wouldn't always be able to take me to the Job Centre because he lived about 3 hours away. Do they not listen to people, or do they think that Dad and I own a house/apartment that stretches over a distance of 70 miles or so? That would be one hell of a house. It makes you wonder, would it be like a 2-mile walk to the bathrooms and all? We'd have to call each other with things like "Dinner is ready!" and walk several miles to meet in some dining room. You could make a fair bit of money in a house like that. You'd have a hotel that stretches for miles, with countless rooms to house people staying in an area between where Dad lives and where I live.

A Day That Never Happened

Today hasn't been going too well for me. Firstly, the day out with Richard is scrapped due to a lack of cash on Richard's part. But just recently, I got a call from my father telling me about the JSA/ESA stuff. It turns out that recently, my JSA has been reduced by £40 per week, so I'm losing £160 a month there. The reason behind this is that I'm supposedly living with someone. The question is: who? I've never had anyone living with me for the past 2-3 years, possibly longer. Where did they get the information that I have someone living with me? Who is this non-existent person who is living with me? I'm completely lost. As far as I know, I've never said anything about someone living with me. I think someone has been lying to them. Either that, or they're once again making up any old shit to have a reason not to pay me as much. They've already claimed I can work for some bullshit reasons. It wouldn't surprise me if they made up more shit to reduce the amount of money I receive.

A Few Meetings

It was my second lunchtime out with Richard. Today, though, we went to meet two people he knew. I've met one of the two before when we were doing the Disability Awareness Day in Bodmin. Sadly, he's not very well at all. It seems he has some form of cancer, and it wasn't until after we left that Richard realised what the cancer was affecting. The guy's cancer seems to be affecting his lymph nodes. It's not a very nice thing to have been affected. As Richard was telling me on the way to meet the guy, he's so bad that it's possible he could be dead within a year.

Malcolm was the second guy we had to meet up with. Richard was working on an advertising video for this guy's website. He was advertising this homemade meal company that he runs. The video, however, looks pretty wooden and doesn't do too good of a job advertising it all. So, Richard wanted to return tomorrow and try to remake the advert. I was invited along, so I've had to track down my video camera in the hopes of helping them out by recording alongside them. I've no idea how that would go, though.

When we returned to Lostwithiel, Richard showed me the wall which I'd jumped off of back on the 27th of September, 2014; the wall that left me with a broken ankle. I'm amazed that I survived the jump. I went back to the area later in the day to take photos and a little video of the area. I'd really love to know where exactly I jumped from. The top of the wall is completely covered in bushes. There is one small area, though, which isn't, so it's probably the area I jumped from. However, I'll never truly know where I jumped at the top of the wall. Laying at the bottom of the wall, I must have still been slightly delusional because I thought I was lying in an empty field with an old rotten shed nearby. There is a storage place in the area that I could have mistaken for the shed. Still, there's no grassy area anywhere around there that I could have mistaken for a wide, empty field. It's fortunate, though, because if it were a wide, open, seemingly abandoned field like I thought, I would've been extremely lucky if someone had found me. The area I was found, though, was right next to a house, so it was clear I would be found with no problems.

The Battle: Where is it heading?

Lately, I've been curious about where this battle for my ESA is heading. I recently received a call from my father regarding the whole thing, saying that they had received the appeal letter from my father on the 16th of September, 2015. The weird thing is that when I went to the Job Centre on the 23rd of September 2015, they told me it wasn't on the system yet. That seemed so odd to me and my father. Since the courts have received the appeal, I'm assuming I am back on ESA, at least for the moment. That raises the question of whether I still need to do the job searches or if I am allowed to stop now. To be safe, I'll continue until the next Job Centre meeting. That way, I can find out what the fuck is going on. Kind of a pain, though.

I ran into Richard again last week, and we talked briefly. At the time, I asked him if he knew of anyone else who'd seen me have a seizure so I could get more help with winning back the ESA. He said workers at the hotel had seen me have one. I made a bit of a mistake in asking that. I was supposed to find out who'd seen me have a petit mal seizure, one where I blank out for a good while. I don't think anyone at the hotel saw me have one of those. I could always go and ask though.

He called me not too long ago. He asked if I wanted to meet up with him on Tuesday. I told him that I'd be fine with that. He called me today asking if I was around on Wednesday because he has a meeting with someone tomorrow. Sure, I can manage that. I had to call my mom after that to tell her she should visit tomorrow instead of Wednesday since that is now the day I'm heading out with Richard. Who knows if he actually will show up? It's just a waiting game for now.

A Delay in the Stream

Recently, I've been playing a lot of this game I bought on Steam called Crypt of the NecroDancer. While playing it a couple of days ago, I came up with a funny idea for a boss, which caused me to wonder if there was any way to create your own monster characters on there. I would like to create this boss idea for some laughs while playing the game on my Twitch channel. Does anyone know if there is a way to do it? If so, could someone explain it to me? I have the name for the boss monster I'd make if it were possible to create it, but that's a secret. It's best not to reveal that kind of thing until the idea is complete if it's possible.

On my Twitch stream that I've been running for a couple of months now, I've mostly just been streaming Jackbox Games. I host them all, except for "You Don't Know Jack". The reason behind that is that the stream isn't in real-time. There's always a 15 to 20-second delay between my PC and the people watching. Since you only have about 20 seconds to answer the questions on that game, the delay doesn't help. There's no way for people watching to play that game unless they can answer within 5 seconds or mindlessly guess. That's another question I have. I use OBS to stream on my channel. Is there any possible way to reduce this delay, or is that delay inevitable no matter what you do?

Another game I stream on Twitch that people can join in with is Choice Chamber. The pain with that game is that it's effortless to die, and I'm the one playing it mostly. People interact with choosing what weapon I'll be using, the kind of jump I'll be using, etc. If I suck at controlling the character, then it's not all that much fun to watch since I'll constantly be dying before I even get that far in the game. Now the question is, are there any other games like the Jackbox ones where loads of people can interact without owning the games themselves, or is it just those?

Friends: Death of a Loved One

I came across some sad news when I logged on to Facebook today. My friend Holly's pet ferret, Minxy, has passed away. She'd been in Holly's life for about 8-9 years and has now passed away. I feel so bad for Holly, especially since I haven't spoken to her much over the last few months. I've been a lousy friend to her recently. Rest In Peace, little Minxy. You'll be missed by all.

I saw another YouTube post from my friend Erin. Titled Rant of a Retail Worker, it talks about a lot of things that retail workers have to deal with for a minimum wage job. I watched it all the way through, and it's so true. I've only worked in retail once, and that was only for a week or so because of medical problems, so I never had to deal with all the stuff she has. But looking at her video, I realize it's so true. They have a lot of shit to deal with for a shitty wage, and people aren't making their lives any easier with all the stupid shit they do. They'll ignore them completely or ask them where something is when there are signs dotted all over the place. Then you have the people in a movie or game store where everything is alphabetically arranged. A customer picks up an item listed under A and drops it in the Ps. I bet this is worse in gaming stores. Some people probably pick up a PS4 C game, then decide they don't want it while looking at XBox One games and dropping it there under Q. It's an interesting video. Check it out and see how many of these things you may do yourself.

I think we're all guilty of at least one of the many things she's listed. One I've been guilty of in the past is putting things where they don't belong, like a can of something in an area I never picked it up from. I'm so sorry to whoever I've majorly inconvenienced by doing that in the past.

Who's there? No-one!

I received a call from my father today. I can't say I was surprised when I asked him whether he'd received a call from this one lady at the Job Centre. When I signed on last Wednesday, I took a doctor's note with me. I couldn't use it, though. The lady said she would call my father since he's my appointee. She said she'd call him on Thursday or Friday. It turns out that he never got that call. It would explain why he never called me on Friday to tell me what had happened with the call. All I could think when he told me was "Fucking typical". I've been getting that a lot lately. People say that they're going to call me (or my father) about something, but that call just never happens. This mostly happens to me when it involves Richard. It occurred with Richard again fairly recently. I'd met him on the street outside some store, and he told me he'd like to catch up and would call me within a couple of days. Never happened.

Anyway, when I go to the Job Centre next Wednesday, my father asked me if I could ask whoever I see to check whether the ESA team got the appeal from him. He sent the appeal via second-class mail yesterday, so it should be with the ESA team by tomorrow. This gives an entire week for it to show on the systems. I hope that something shows up by the time I head to the Job Centre.

The questions won't stop there either. I need to find out whether that lady can call my father; try to get her to call him while I'm sitting there so at least I know it happened. I also need to find out whether my doctor's note will help sway the ESA appeal in my favour. My father and I are hoping it'll be helpful in that case.

Where will this all lead, I wonder.

The Search: Care to Drive?

Once again, my search for a job yields no results. New jobs now, besides caring for older people or driving, only include kitchen work, cooking as a chef, etc. Once again, it's not within my skill range to do that. Hell, I can't even cook for myself because I'm way too scared that I'll have a seizure or a blanking episode and end up burning the place down. Not only would that cause me a lot of trouble as I'd no longer have a place to live, but it would also affect the neighbours and possibly more if the fire spread too much. Then again, would I even survive if the place were to catch fire while I had a seizure or a blanking episode? I could very well perish in the flames in the possible 30+ minutes it'll take to snap out of it all.

So once again, I find myself giving a reason why I'm not going to apply for the jobs; the same reason as always, honestly: It doesn't match my skills.

Heartbreaking video

Today, I was linked to a video by my friend Amy. It was talking about this lovely German Shephard named Duke, who'd be abandoned on the streets of Los Angeles. Dog rescue: Duke, abandoned in downtown Los Angeles is a beautiful video about how they rescued him. The change in his attitude during the video is just amazing. You see him going from sad and aggressive-like to this happy and loving little dog. Sadly, after all that it just blurts out about how Duke died 10 months after the video was filmed. That was extremely upsetting to me and caused me to cry. It also took away from the beauty of the video. This is the kind of thing that really pisses me off about some videos on YouTube. The fact that you make this amazingly beautiful video, and then out of nowhere they just add in "But he's dead now". It's really something that should be placed in the description of the video for those interested to know of his fate. It shouldn't be slapped on to the video because it takes away from all the happiness.

That's something for people who make YouTube videos to really consider. If you're going to make a beautiful and very happy looking video, don't slap on something extremely depressing at the end that basically says "What you saw means nothing now because he/she's dead". It's extremely heartbreaking.

The Search: A difficult job

The job searching that I've had to do since losing my ESA hasn't been going too well. Every single job I've looked at in computing requires someone with previous experience in the field, requires a car, or requires a skill that I just do not have. Because of that, I widened the searching to all jobs within about 5-10 miles of where I live. That doesn't get me anywhere either because all of the jobs are either caring for the elderly, or driving HGVs/trucks. I have no experience in caring for the elderly. No college degree or anything in that area. But if I did, what good would I be to the job? My epilepsy is completely out of control and my ankle starts to really hurt after about 30 minutes of standing/walking around due to the broken bone.

With the blank outs I have due to my epilepsy, I don't think I'd be the best person to take care of anyone, whether that be elderly, kids, or even a loved one. Every time Dad has come to visit me, I've had one of these blank outs, so it's likely that I'm having them daily, only people need to be around me all day to possibly see me having one. Either that, or have some extreme luck to catch me having one. Usually when Dad is visiting me, he's around almost the entire day, which explains why he'd see them. If it is a daily occurence, how popular would I be with families if I blanked out for a good 30 minutes or more and come around to find the person I was caring for is laying on the floor in extreme pain or even possibly dead? I would be one of the most hated people with families requiring care for their loved ones. I just can't deal with that.

What am I doing wrong?

There are days lately where I feel like maybe I'm not worthy of anybody's friendship. I'm constantly upsetting my friends by missing something they've said to me, or I'm completely pissing them off with things that I enjoy, but they find annoying. For example, I showed my friend, Holly, the Alan Tutorial videos. I suggested that she watch them from start to finish. I've no idea where she started watching them from (probably the end), but she immediately got irritated by it, saying that she'll never get those minutes back and that it's just some creepypasta shit. I tried to explain that it had a deeper meaning, not just some creepypasta rubbish, but she didn't want to hear it. To her, it was just a typical creepypasta. It's probably on some creepypasta website because someone believed it to be a true story, but that's not the case with Alan Tutorial. It would be nice if people would look at it from start to finish and not assume it's something that it's not, whether that thought is that it's a huge waste of time or that it's just a creepypasta and nothing more.

Another person that I've upset a fair amount lately is my friend Amy. A lot of that comes down to me not paying attention to something she's said to me; therefore, she feels I am neglecting her. I try to give my friends as much attention as possible, but I'm constantly failing and then find myself asking, 'Why do these people even like me? What do I have to give them?'. I feel completely worthless when I can't make my friends happy. Their sadness causes me pain because I feel like I'm not the friend they need and that they'd be better off without me in their lives. I don't know lately.

YouTube: Our Third Life

Yesterday, while I was streaming on Twitch, I was shown this video called she speaks fluent american. This was shown on a channel different from where the video was originally hosted. Anyway, in this video, this youngish girl is talking about a "language barrier" between her and a British man. The barrier had to do with money. She asked him how much The Sims 3: Generations was in the UK. He told her it was about £15, which he couldn't afford at the time. As an American, she took £15 as a weight measurement. She didn't understand that pounds here in the UK is the currency. She's then talking about "Why do the games weigh so much?" and then assumes that weight in the UK must be less than in America because it's closer to Jupiter. At this point, all I could think was, "Seriously? Is this girl really this fucking stupid!? How can you believe different parts of the world are in different parts of the solar system?".

After that very idiotic video, I was shown a video from her channel, Our Third Life. This one was called THE EARTH IS FLAT. In this video, she talks about how she believes the world is flat and that if it weren't, all the oceans would fall off and flood space. Again, you're thinking, "Is this girl really this fucking stupid? Has she never seen Discworld or a globe?" In Discworld, all the oceans flow into space over the disc's rim. Still, they are constantly replenished, so the water doesn't just vanish completely. Because we all know that the world is round, it raises the question of her logic: somewhere on Earth, there's a place where there is no gravity. If that's the case, wouldn't people, animals, and everything else travelling into that area also fall off into space?

Eventually, after a few more of her videos, I get to this one: JURASSIC PARK SUCKS. In the image for the video, you can see she's crying. That made me curious as to what is so upsetting about Jurassic Park. But she's not talking about Jurassic Park; she's talking about Jurassic World. Her tears are about Robert Downey Jr. being eaten by dinosaurs in the movie, and that's the reason there will be no more Iron Man, etc, because he's now dead. This is where I thought, "She's got to be trolling. No one on Earth is THIS fucking stupid". As far as I'm aware, Robert Downey Jr. wasn't even in Jurassic World, and even if he were, being eaten by a computer-animated dinosaur is not going to kill you in real life. Haha.

When I was shown the video while streaming on Twitch, I thought that she must be a great friend of Trish Paytas for how fucking stupid she seemed. But now it looks like she's the biggest troll in the world and doing a pretty good job at trolling just about everyone. So, good job on that front.

I think I will have to talk a little about Trish in another post and show people who don't already know who she is how foolish she is. Anyway, check out Our Third Life for one of the biggest fucking trolls ever, if you're interested in seeing how dumb she seemed at first.

Life Is Strange: What happened? - SPOILER WARNINGS!

I've recently been playing the game Life Is Strange, and I'm currently in total shock about the ending of Episode 3: Chaos Theory.

SPOILER WARNINGS!

Toward the end of Episode 3, Max returns to 5 years in the past and saves Chloe's father. This changes Chloe's future from miserable and Goth-like to a happier family life. However, when Max returns to the present, we see immense changes.

One of the first things I noticed was that Max was now in the Vortex Club, which in the original timeline was a club that was full of complete assholes like Victoria and Nathan. These were two people who were partially responsible for Kate wanting to kill herself due to some viral video they posted of her. We see that Victoria is now nice to Max. Why? Did she change that much, or has Max changed? Since five years have changed, Max has a five-year history that is a complete blur (at least that's how I see it). A few other people in the Vortex Club comment that Max is now acting odd. Odd how? The 18-year-old her went five years into the past via a photo to change Chloe's present. This gave Chloe five happier years since her father never died. So, the 18-year-old her from the original timeline went from that timeline to her 13-year-old self and back to her new 18-year-old self. This makes her supposedly odd to the people she's sat with: The Vortex Club.

How did Chloe's new life affect the past five years of Max's life? Now that Max is part of the club for assholes, has she also become an asshole? If Kate was saved (or not saved) in Episode 2, is she alive or dead now? If she's dead and Max is part of the asshole club, is she now partially responsible for Kate being dead in this new timeline?

A lot of people seem to think that Chloe being wheelchair-bound at the end of Episode 3 is most likely due to a car crash. This is due to a photo of her getting a red truck/pick-up from her father. It's a possibility, but there's a much darker story behind her new timeline condition, a darker story that involves Max being part of the Vortex Club. Chloe seemed happy to see Max, and Chloe's father didn't seem upset that Max was on his doorstep, but is Max somehow behind Chloe's disability?

I've been trying to think up some less obvious and much darker stories behind the new present, and this is probably the darkest story I've thought of. A blurred five-year past; The Vortex Club; comments from Vortex Club members that Max is acting odd. What happened? Are you responsible for Chloe from behind the scenes, Max?

I'm hoping the game's creators will develop a darker story and less obvious scenario behind Chloe's new present. Surely, it's not as simple as a car crash.

At first, I thought it might be something to do with Chloe's father, that maybe he's not as kind as he seems. However, if this were true, would Chloe be as happy as she appears now? Most likely not. But what about Max? How is she acting odd, according to the Vortex Club members? Why is she now part of the Vortex Club? Is she unknowingly responsible for Chloe's disability?

I seriously can't wait for Episode 4 now. I badly want to know the story behind Chloe's disability. Is it as simple as people assume, or is it as dark as I think?

Only time will tell.

Definitely the End of an Era

I've concluded that it is the end of an era now. The past 3-4 years have been a complete waste of time. All that time I've spent helping Richard with youth projects and the recent community organizer stuff was worth nothing. Why do I say this? Well, not too long ago, I got a reply from Richard via Facebook. He asked if I was available during the week in which he replied to me. I told him that I still couldn't walk. His reply was a simple "ok" before he signed out of Facebook. This both upset and angered me. I wonder if I've only been wanted by Richard when I'm mobile and when I can help. Since I'm unable to do anything now, I'm not worth his time.

Now the question is: What will I do now? Do I want to continue to live in this town, knowing that I will no longer be helping Richard out with things, or do I want to move away and live somewhere else? This is a nice town, but there isn't much I can do around here. The main reason I moved here was that I wouldn't have to get the train every day to get here and help with things. Now that I'm not needed anymore...what is left for me here? I've got to think seriously about what I will do with myself now.

Anyway, that's enough about that now.

I got myself a new game on Steam yesterday: Rogue Legacy. I read a little about it on its store page. I got a good laugh when I read that your legacy characters would end up with traits like short-sightedness and irritable bowel syndrome. I thought that alone was enough to make me want to play it. I'm glad I bought the game because it is a tremendous and highly amusing game. But it's also a very tough game. You must be up for a challenge to want to play it. If you dislike challenges, then it's not a game you should try out because you'd get frustrated easily.

Today, I came across a picture on Zergnet about 3 deaths caused by a train. The reason for it, though, is idiotic. What happened was that these three college students decided it would be wise to take a selfie picture together on a railway track in front of a moving train. However, they decided to take the picture with the train as close as they could get. Who knows if they got that picture or not since they were killed by the train? What I would love to know is: why do people have such a big fascination with taking selfies that they do fucking idiotic things like that!? How many people have been killed doing idiotic things like that to take a selfie?

Here's a link to the picture I saw on Zergnet.

After seeing the image, I searched on Google for the news report about these idiots to see if it happened. It seems that it did.