I Forgot to Mention Insomnia

I saw a doctor today about the seizure I had on Sunday. I'd described, as best as I could, what I saw during the seizure. For the entire thing, I had this severe feeling of deja vu. I felt like I'd experienced that moment way too many times before. Seriously, it began with me reading through an old blog, and I was correcting old entries of it on Grammarly.

In one entry, I came across a video recorded back when I was in primary school. The video showed our Welsh penpals what our town was like. After this video, it automatically switched to a video about video games in the 90s. I swear I'd seen the channel name before. While watching that, I was scratching at my neck. I felt this horrible sense that I'd already experienced that moment 100s of times. But why? How did I live that moment before? Everything around me, from my body movements to things I saw and heard, felt like something I'd experienced before. Had I dreamed of the moment in the past? What happened to me?

I have the feeling I was having an epileptic seizure, only I was aware of everything, unlike previous seizures. And the deja vu feeling caused by that seizure was terrifying. I was saying things like, "If I walked down to that corner and jumped off of it, someone would laugh", or "If I killed myself, I'd find myself waking up back in 2003." I mentioned 2003 many times in this deja vu seizure, but why? What's so special about 2003? What happened back in 2003 that made me so fixed on that year?

The doctor didn't know what to say about it. He just told me, my girlfriend, and my Mom that it was so weird that he couldn't explain it. He just said he'd refer it to the epilepsy specialists I've seen in the past. He claims that they'd probably call me about it within two weeks.

I called my Dad at about 8 pm to tell him what happened at the appointment. He asked me if I'd talked to the doctor about my trouble sleeping recently. I thought, "Fuck. I completely forgot to ask him about that." If the epilepsy specialists call back within two weeks, I'll have to ask if they have any suggestions about how to sort that out. For now, I'll hope that these sleep aid pills that I've taken over the past two days are helping.

Quora: Is there life elsewhere in the universe?

I came across an interesting post on Quora today. The question was:

If our Galaxy "The Milky Way" has over 400 billion stars, and roughly 40 billion of these stars are similar to our sun and roughly 4 billion of these sun-like stars have Earth sized planets in their habitable zones; where is all the life?

The guy who was answering had this as an answer:

Good question. Very good question.

What do you estimate the odds were for life forming on our planet?

If we assume that there are 400 billion stars, (the current estimate is between 100 billion and 400 billion,) and the chances of life forming were one in a million, then only 400,000 stars in our galaxy should have life on one of its planets. But what if the odds were one in a billion?? What if the odds were one in 400 billion, or only one per galaxy???

It really depends on the odds, doesn't it?

Plus, the radio signals we have been sending out into space probably dispersed to almost zero strength at about a light year, which means they haven't even reached the nearest star. So if there were 4000 other Earth-like planets, how would we know? We can't even see them, we can only detect their presence with other means. We certainly would hear their radio signals.

So maybe the galaxy is full of life, and we just can't see it or detect it. Or maybe it's not full of life, and maybe the odds of life happening in this galaxy are around one in 400 billion.

OP: "If our Galaxy "The Milky Way" has over 400 billion stars, and roughly 40 billion of these stars are similar to our sun and roughly 4 billion of these sun-like stars have Earth sized planets in their habitable zones; where is all the life?"

I decided to comment on his answer. He seemed to like my comment. We even have a little bit of a conversation via the comments. Here's my comment:

So true. For all we know, all those planets could have life on them, but that life is just the animals like lions, deer etc. It took a while for humans to evolve here, and what were the chances of that happening? Then again, what if there is human-like life elsewhere? They could be just like us, wondering if there's life out there because they haven't been able to contact any "intelligent life" either. There may not be any of the intelligent alien-like life that we see in the movies and TV shows that can easily travel through space in UFOs. We just have no idea.

But what if the intelligent alien-like life we see in movies and TV shows did exist, but that was back in the dinosaur times here, and just went extinct before we created any kind of technology? Maybe they easily travelled to Earth, but all they saw were the dinosaurs, not humans. This question just leads to a lot of "What if…" questions. Who knows if it's all on a repeat too? Maybe we'll create those UFOs one day and go to a planet full of life, but that life is like the dinosaurs we had here. That planet eventually evolves human-like life; they create technology; they eventually travel here, but the humans here are now extinct. What if it just repeats like that over and over? No "intelligent life" discovers another because that intelligent life has gone extinct by the time they develop the correct technology. We just never know.

It's interesting to think about. What if we end up eventually evolving into the alien-like life we see in movies, TV shows, or even books? Which ones would we be? The friendly E.T. kind, or the War of the Worlds kind that wants to wipe out all life? What if stories like War of the Worlds actually happen, but this generation doesn't know because it's not going to happening until 2000 years from now? What if a planet has human-like life, but they're living the Dungeons and Dragons sort of life? So many what ifs…

He replies with a simple: Beautiful comment. Thank you. 🥰

I replied with yet another long comment. I said:

Thanks. I've thought a bunch of what if questions for years now. I tried to kill myself twice back in 2014 after an epileptic seizure. My mind went loopy after the seizure and I saw the world ending around me. This made me depressed, and I tried to drown myself in the local river, but the cold water snapped me out of it. I ended up in that illusion again after an hour or so and threw myself off a 2-story high wall. I broke my ankle and couldn't walk for quite a while.

While I was in that situation, I was thinking things like "What if I succeeded in killing myself twice on that day, but I've awoken in the form of myself on a parallel Earth?" Is it possible we can die, but we don't realise it because we just awaken as a version of ourselves on a parallel Earth? How many possible parallel universes now exist out there have a dead version of me, but I don't know about it because I'm now a version of myself that didn't die? If it's possible, then is it possible I've died several times by now and just don't know because I'm not that version of me anymore?

What if that's possible? Could this be the answer for things like the Mandela Effect? What if we died on a parallel Earth where the now non-existent movie does exist? We have a memory of it, but we're now a version of ourselves on a parallel Earth where it doesn't exist anymore? Is it possible? Who knows.

He disagreed with me on the multiverse/parallel universe thing. No problem with that. People have their own opinions. His reply:

Well, no, I don't think dimensional travel is possible. The Mandela effect is just because humans are forgetful and imaginative.

I'm sorry to hear about your experience. I hope you're doing better now.

I ended up replying to his comment by talking about entries on my blog. I was mainly referring to the post called Hurricane Chloe. I replied:

I know we're forgetful. I made a blog entry in 2014 about what I saw during that illusion. I read it yesterday and thought "Wow. I really was out of my mind at the time." I posted that I was thinking about Egyptians worshipping cats, that I saw a cat giving me a look like he wanted to tear me apart etc. But I don't remember any of that now. If I never noted it down in 2014, I wouldn't know what I saw in that illusion.

There are names of old friends in other blog posts, but my mind doesn't remember some of them. I remember Samie and Chloe, but who are Mandi and Tizzy that I spoke about in these blog entries? I'm lost on some of my old blog posts. I must have known them at one point, but they're lost to me now and I haven't spoken to any of them for years now. Samie vanished from the Net (to me anyway) years ago. Chloe was supposedly angry at me about something, but I have no idea why. It's not explained too well in my blog. I wish I had spoken about why Chloe was mad at me; I want to know what I did. Too late now.

I would love to know some things about that entry. Who are Mandi and Tizzy? I have memories of Samie and Chloe but no memory of Mandi and Tizzy. Another thing I'm curious about is about Chloe. In my last entry about her, she was extremely angry with both Samie and me. But why? I wish I had noted it down somewhere. It could be in a much older blog entry, one I haven't come across yet. Then again, what if there's nothing about it anywhere?